How To Get Rid of a Lovebite Tips for the Constant Adulterer

[20/08/10] 

You’ve been marked. Things have gotten out of control with one of your little consorts and she’s taken the plunge – into your neck. Now don’t get us wrong, we like a little rodeo role-play as much as the next buck, but a mark like this is like the walk of shame; everyone knows what it means, especially those from whom you’d just as happily keep it hidden.

Step 1: First of all you're going to need a few things, including a spoon, a tea bag (not that kind!) and some hot water. All these are elements in traditional de-hickification, but take their sweet-assed time to do the task at hand. However, their powers combined can have you love bite free in no time. First of all, get that spoon (a big one) dipped in water and into the freezer, and turn the kettle on.

Step 2:
Use your fingers to massage the affected area. That she-devil has set your blood vessels stiffer than a school boy with a Bendon catalogue and you need to loosen them out before treatment can begin. You can also use the cap of a roll on deodorant or a lip balm to help turn massage the vessels back into relaxation, turning the hickey epicentre into a strange 'rash'.

Step 3: Take your frosted spoon and use it to massage the affected area in a clockwise, then anti-clockwise direction, with a little more pressure with each turn. By now the water should have boiled so leave a tea bag in the water for two minutes and then, once cooled, soak it against your infliction. Now drink the tea; it won't help with your lady bite but everyone loves a cuppa.


Step 4: Keep using the spoon method throughout the day and the wound should be gone by the end of the day. If you're in a real hurry, you can smear a little white (not mint gel) toothpaste on the wound, sneak a puff of foundation from the Chanel tester counter (or your gf), and if all else fails, go the way of the Big Apple, Steve Jobs, and wear a turtle neck.


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