Playing Cupid An Interview with Kaitlin Kapur

[14/12/14] 

 As head of bespoke matchmaking company Anteros International – an exclusive dating service for the discerning and well-heeled – Kaitlin Kapur knows a thing or two about romance.

With Anteros International having been recently launched in Hong Kong, Kaitlin sat down with NecesCity and shared a few words of wisdom.

What’s the most common dating mistake guys make?
The least sexy words you can say to a woman are “I don’t know, what do you feel like doing?” Women love men who take charge.

We’ve all been friend-zoned at some point. How do you get out of it?
If you’re in the friend zone, it’s because you’re giving her the attention and support she needs without asking for anything in return. To get out of it, you have to stop treating her like someone you’re interested in and start treating her like what she is, a friend. If you’re busy and she wants to hang out, don’t drop what you’re doing, make plans with her for another time. If you’re at dinner together and a cute girl walks by, feel free to check her out and even chat her up. You’re just friends, right? She’s comfortable having you in the friend zone because she thinks she can have you whenever she wants, the minute that dynamic appears to change you become more attractive to her. As things progress, she’ll likely start flirting with you. You can flirt back, but don’t be too sweet until you know she’s definitely interested.

We’ve spent the night. How do we make an appropriately gentlemanly exit?
Build in your exit strategy the night before by casually mentioning an early morning meeting or workout session. It’s better to leave early than overstay. If she’s still sleeping, don’t wake her, but be sure to send a text later. ‘Ghosting’ is never okay.

Let’s talk about compatibility. How do you define this?
Compatibility is all about sharing core values. All relationships require flexibility, but there are basic things you should agree on - career, children, and where to live, for example. It’s the big picture things that matter, not whether or not you both enjoy tennis.

When it comes to dating, how important is it to be an effective communicator? How do you incorporate this into the date-coaching service Anteros International offers?
In the age of Twitter, people have such short attention spans that they tend to make snap judgments and false assumptions about others based on very little information. Your clothing, body language, word choice, and social media presence all paint an image of who you are. We help our clients to ensure the information they’re communicating to the world is an accurate reflection of them. We also teach clients how to start great conversations, flirt effectively, and approach the opposite sex.

Do you think it’s okay to have a ‘type’ or ‘dealbreakers, or is it important to keep an open mind?
People are notoriously bad at knowing what will make them happy. The things I love most about my husband are things that weren’t even on my radar before meeting him. Keep an open mind, meet as many people as you can, and you may surprise yourself.

A big city like Hong Kong holds a lot of options when it comes to dating. Do you see that affect how people play the field?
Absolutely, they don’t hesitate to discard partners because of minor differences and the belief that something better is always around the corner. The reality is if you meet someone with 80 percent of the things you’re looking for, who’s also crazy about you, you’re really lucky and should hold onto them.

Most opening lines are amateur at best, but you have to start somewhere. What’s your take on a good approach?
Anything that directly expresses your interest in her, like saying “you’re so hot”, puts too much pressure on the interaction and may make her uncomfortable. Comment on something she’s carrying or that’s happening around you, and if she wants to continue the conversation, she will.

How useful do you think online dating and dating apps are? How do you feel this differs to the matchmaking service Anteros International offers?
For casual dating or as a source of entertainment, they’re great. But they’re also incredibly time consuming, and you never know what you’ll get as more than half of online daters admit to lying on their profiles. Anteros is very different, our members value their privacy, and they don’t have time to sift through hundreds of profiles, or to risk dating someone who has misrepresented themselves. Anteros eliminates all of these issues.

Kaitlin’s Top 5 Dating & Relationship Tips

  1. Be prepared. Plan a date, dress up, and arrive on time. There’s nothing sexier than a man who has it together.
  2. The “3 Day Rule” is nonsense. If you want to call a woman, just do it. Wait too long and she’ll lose interest.
  3. Learn to listen. To be interesting, one must be interested. All great conversationalists are also great listeners.
  4. If the first date was just okay, go out once more. Sometimes chemistry takes time to develop, and the pressure of a first date can make even the most interesting person clam up.
  5. The no effort mentality is crazy. If you were looking for a new job, you wouldn’t stand around Starbucks hoping to bump into prospective employers, you’d actively go and find the people you need to meet. You shouldn’t treat your love life any differently.

 


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